what have you been up to?

The Kiwi and I have both been seeing other people in the last 3 years. A while ago I was under the impression that I was dating this guy. A couple of things lead me to reach this conclusion. There was the kissing, the phone calls, and the fact that he wanted to see me at least 3 times a week, he offered to help me move house… you can see how I was mistaken. Anyway, one night he was around at my house for dinner(which he invited himself for btw), and just casually mentioned that he had a new girlfriend who lives in Melbourne. I was like, “Oh.”

I thought, well, at least he is funny and smart and entertaining, we can still hang out and be friends. Once again though, I was mistaken. Not about him still wanting to be friends with me (duh, who wouldn’t, I’m loads of fun!) but about him being funny and entertaining. Turned out he was an egomaniac with a superiority complex. I invited him to a house party at mine, where he proceeded to turn up WITH HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND and without telling me he was bringing her. All my other friends said, “Who is that pair of miserable assholes?” as they moped around trying to pretend that they were cooler than everyone else, when it became quite apparent that they were the only ones not having any fun.

Besides that, he would try little sneaky criticisms of my behaviour and personality, not that I ever let him get away with any of it. It was weird, because he behaved like he didn’t like me at all, and yet he still wanted to see me all the time. But it quickly became apparent to me that I had to stop seeing completely, because it was too much hard work for absolutely no reward. No room for charity, I have heaps of friends who are actually fun and happy and like me. I guess he must have reached the same conclusion, because he phased me out before I had the chance to phase him out. The cheek!

All of this was a few months ago. About 6 weeks ago, my phone rang, and it was him. I just missed the call, so I sent him a text message that said “you rang?” No response. Until I was back at my old job last week clearing out my email inbox, and there was an email there from him. It said, yes, I rang, “sorry, I got sidetracked.” (sidetracked for 5 weeks mind you). So I rang him back, just to let him know that I wasn’t working at that job anymore, and he asked me what I've been up to? I said, "I’ve started a new career, left the old job, completed my new job training course, sat the qualification exam, got a new flatmate, got a new car, been to Melbourne, been to Launceston, been to Thailand, seen this band, seen that band, gone to a Ball….what have you been up to?" He said, “Not much.. um... I changed the logo on my company to pink…”. I could only smirk.

The clincher is of course that on Monday I ran into him, and the horse-faced girlfriend walking down the street. I said, how was your weekend? He said, oh, we’ve just been watching dvds all weekend. Which gave me the perfect opportunity to really emphasise my point – “Well, I’ve just been in Adelaide for a work conference/awards night with my new company.” I was trying very hard not to take a leaf out of his book and feel superior, but…

Virtue is its own reward?

I was cleaning up my bedroom yesterday and I found a long-forgotten cheque for $325.00. I also found 6 safety pins, 2 buttons (origin unidentified), a stapler with no staples, a calculator, a lipstick, a recipe for lemon curd, a wine bottle cork, my camera case, my sunglasses case, headphones, and 8 pens.

I thought the cheque was exciting, and then when I found a box of staples, I thought all my Christmasses had come at once!

Red and sweaty

I just joined a new gym, as my first step towards Operation Kiwi-Ready. I need some serious improvement before I am ready to be seen naked by someone I care about.

I’ve had many a struggle with gym memberships. My first foray was at Fernwood, a gym for [overweight, middle-aged] ladies only, and certainly not my cup of tea. Their services may have been slack, but their contract writers certainly weren’t. It was harder to leave there than my bed on a Monday morning.

Second attempt, the young and hip gym at the Aquatic Centre. The drawback here was that I felt like a red, sweaty elephant in the midst of serial gym junkies who had tiny,taut bodies and the outfits to match. It was crowded and the popularity generated too much demand for a treadmill or an inch of space on the aerobics floor.

The locker rooms at this gym were like no other I have ever visited. I understand there is a set of keen exercisers who are not shy about showing their bodies in the raw, but nudity at the Aquatic Centre was endemic. And not just walking to and from the showers, but full leg-up-on-chair-with-vigorous-towel-drying action.

I have cultivated my skills of getting dressed and undressed while holding a towel around myself for full coverage and to avoid unfortunate flashes to casual observers. However, this leads to strange physical contortions and getting dressed takes 3 times longer than necessary. I decided that it would much quicker to put on my bra if I dropped the towel, and embarked on weeks and weeks of internal pep-talks to persuade myself into it. “No-one’s really looking, no-one really cares, your boobs aren’t that interesting anyway, come on, everyone else is doing it, be brave, you don’t know any of these people anyway.”

At last I was ready. My towel and I would take the plunge. There I was in the locker room, inhaling deeply, and waiting for the exact moment that everyone else’s eyes were averted. Ready, on one….. two…... thr “Hey!” shouted a voice across the room. “I thought that was you. Fancy seeing you here!” And all eyes were on me as I turned to face my former work colleague. I never did drop the towel that day, or ever since.

the countdown has begun

When I said I was starting this blog as a catalyst for a change, I have no idea it would happen so fast. The Kiwi doesn't know that I am writing this, and yet I must have sent a butterfly wing-flap in his direction. Over the weekend, I received an unusual text message from him. It was unusual for 2 reasons. The first one is that it was spelled correctly. The second reason was that it said, "I love you." That was the first time he has ever said that to me.

My first reaction was that he must have sent it to the wrong person. It took me half an hour to decide what to reply. In the end I settled on simply, "Wow!" His reply confirmed that it was meant for me and said, "I know, I also know you love me too."

What this means is that it is looking more and more likely that the Kiwi will actually come good on his threat to turn up on my doorstep, which means that I need to get serious about getting Kiwi-ready. The countdown has begun... for real!
I'm going to be blogging every day in November, and it will be an interesting ride.

Spelling - is it a deal-breaker?

The Kiwi and I would never have got together in the first place if spelling was a deal-breaker for me. When I say he can't spell, I mean he really takes bad spelling to new lows. So much so, that his very first email to me led me to comment, "Even a monkey bashing away at a keyboard would accidently spell a couple of words correctly EVENTUALLY."

I do pride myself on my spelling ability, so it was unfortunate for my sensibilities to get involved in a long-distance relationship which requires a great deal more of the written word than a local affair. Emails and text messages. A high proportion of both of which from him begin with, "Hay you". When New Zealand got knocked out of the rugby world cup, he was in morning.

I quite often imagine his struggles with predictive text, cursing it for not recognising the words he is trying to imput. "Stupid thing doesn't work!"

But with the charm of his intentions, somehow I manage to find his disastrous spelling endearing. And apparently for me, spelling is not a deal-breaker.

the story so far...

I'm in a rut. Bobbing along like a half-inflated balloon. Sometimes the breeze catches me and I feel like I'm flying high, but then gravity pulls me down again. What I am looking for is a helium hit. I want to pump myself up and bounce up, up and away.

So, the purpose of this blog is to start a change. This is the first step.

The topic I have chosen is the story of the Kiwi, who has just popped back into the picture. Well, so he says...

About 2 years ago, I was in New Zealand. It might have been 3 years, but I can barely entertain the idea that it has been that long! I met a lovely New Zealand boy in a bar one night, and one thing led to another, as it does when a footloose, fancy free person is out of their country. Nothing original in that. What made it interesting was that this Kiwi and I stayed in touch. A few emails led to a hot and heavy phone affair, which led to another visit to New Zealand by me. There will be more details of this saga to come later, but for now it is enough to say that things went drastically pear-shaped during this trip, and that was the end of the affair.

Or so I thought.

This Kiwi is one tenacious caller, and despite my repeated attempts to sever the ties, he never let me. We have been in touch, on and off, ever since.

He has had at least 3 serious girlfriends since me, but they have all failed. The lastest relationship is also dying, and now he seems to be entertaining the idea of exploring the length and breadth of our indefinable relationship once and for all.

The following blog will be the continuing story (and occasional historic flashbacks) of what happens now in my life, with or without him.